Harvest the holiday spirit — Kick the 'fake' Christmas and get yourself a Charlie Brown tree

By: 
Taylor Newquist
Sports Editor

I might be a little late to the party here, like Sgt. Al Powell pulling up to Nakatomi Tower in the greatest Christmas movie of all-time—Die Hard, but we’ll save that debate for another day.

What I’m really here to talk about is Christmas trees. By this point yours is probably up and shining with an assortment of lights and ornaments. Take a good look at it. Did it come out of a box? Shame. Welcome to Joe Biden’s socialist America folks, where every child’s Christmas tree looks exactly the same. Okay, okay, I’m kidding. But don’t you wish you had a little more Clark Griswold in you?

I did the research and you better act quick—there’s a 1973 Ford Country Squire station wagon on ebay for $6,900. Once you have that, you’re just a handsaw, two kids, a wife and a smelly cousin’s RV away from the perfect Christmas Vacation. All you need from there is a $5 permit to cut one of the many thousands of trees in the Colville National Forest around our area. Will it be perfect? No. But does perfect ever result in our fondest memories?

For me I always remembered the few years that we all got together to cut our own tree more than the trees themselves. Isn’t that what Christmas is about, creating memories?

I’ll definitely remember the tree I cut this year, which is my first since leaving home for college six years ago. Packing up a $15 Irwin saw from ACE Hardware, and driving east out of Colville until it just felt right resulted in a tree that would never be in a Hallmark movie, but that’s just how I wanted it. Hallmark movies during Christmas are for suckers, especially when you could be watching 90 minutes of Bruce Willis kicking the crap out of European heisters.

Anyways, I decorated my tree from the Walmart bargain bin, which was the ideal cap to my Charlie Brown Christmas. It’s not too late for you. Kick down that fake tree, trade in your candles and scentsys for some real pine smell. Most importantly, get out in the woods and cut down a tree of your own with your family or friends.

You can purchase a tag at recreation.gov/tree-permits, which is good for any tree in the Colville National Forest. Remember to be at least 150-feet from highways, recreation sites or other developed areas, and 50-feet from forest roads. Don’t leave behind a tree stump greater than 6-inches.

Whatever you do, measure your room before you leave too. The last thing you want is to get home with a tree too big for your house.

Category: